Lauren
01-25-2007, 06:42 PM
Every person who joins or participates in a forum or community does so because they are seeking something. Some seek knowledge, some seek friendship, etc. At the very least, it may just be distraction we seek... but one thing is sure... we all have something we wish to gain or accomplish by coming.
Most of the time, the new members come in looking for advice, guidance, wisdom and knowledge. At a good site they find that, but often are left feeling like they are only taking, taking, taking and never giving anything in return. Some new members can feel less-than for not having something to give back. Not all feel this way, but some do and it can be hard for a person to feel they have nothing to contribute. If this is you, keep reading.
Each forum or community also has their old-Timers, mentors or those who hold the general knowledge. These folks are the ones who are often sought out the most for guidance or advice. They keep things going, by providing what it is everyone is seeking. But even though the Old-Timers have all the knowledge and seem to have already what everyone else is seeking it doesn't mean they aren't seeking something too. What can THEY be seeking? They have it all! No, they dont... keep reading
No matter why each of us came, we all have something we seek. For the newbies, we seek to know ourselves and to be able to cope with the lives we've been given. Life didn't come with a manual and certainly we didn't get a vampire/otherkin/were manual. So we seek it here from those who have lived through it before us and can lay out a type of "manual" for us to consult.
The old-timers already lived through it and learned by trial and error, and oftimes these trials and errors were very painful. They see the new people and relate to them and think "Gods I wish no one had to go through what I went through". They see people like themselves and want to help... want to make a difference. They may want to raise awareness and acceptance of our conditions and who we are. They may want to dispell misconceptions so society is less frightened by what they do not understand and thereby lessening the pain of persecution we all endure for future generations.
I have been both newbie and Old-timer in different types of communities and this is what I can tell you...
As a newbie, I want good information, I want understanding and freedom to make mistakes as I learn, and I want friendship and acceptance. It's very hard in life to deal with the skeptism from people who dont understand, and it's harder in a place where people are expected to understand. When this fails, newbies are left feeling even more isolated and alone. The pain in this senario is sometimes the worst... they are left feeling alone even in the place they thought they fit.
As an Old-Timer, I want to help. I want to make a difference. I want to know that putting my pain and mistakes and whatever else I have to contribute, out in front of the world to see, isn't going to be in vain. I do not want my ass kissed, and I do not want to be on a pedestal, but I want to know that I am making a difference... after all, that's my purpose and it is what I seek. Often on the site where I know something, I'm treated like someone unapproachable. We're left, feeling alone and "different" still because people think they're not good enough to talk to us. Not so, we're just like you, but just went through it first. In a few years you'll be just like us!
My point is that we ALL have something to offer. Whether you're the newest member, whether you are the most knowledgable member we have, we all have something to offer and someone came here seeking what you have to give.
Old-Timers, keep in mind your first days awakening or seeking. Keep in mind the confusion and the "silly" questions you had... the "far out" conclussions to which you jumped, and speak to our new members as you would speak to that young seeker you were then. Give them your best... because only then can they be the best and one day, they'll be the ones here teaching. It will be up to you what they teach.
New members, Keep in mind that it's likely that whatever you've been through SOMEone here has been through it before. They do not have to offer you advice, nor do they have to share one whit of their lives or experiences with you. There is nothing in the manual (they wrote it and it's not in there) that says they have to help anyone. So, you can asume correctly that they are doing this, sometimes at considerable costs to themselves, because they care for you. You're probably saying you have nothing to give back but you do. If one of these old folks says something or does something that makes your life better in anyway... let them know. That is what they need to hear. They need to know what they're doing is working, is helping, and is accomplishing their goal. It sustains them and helps motivate them to continue on. I dont mean to kiss their asses or suck up to them, or give them a bunch of lip-service. A simple, sincere Thank You, is often enough. Whatever it is though, let it be sincere.
This is how forums grow, sustain each other, and keep the Circle of Forum Life alive.
None of us have nothing to offer, and none of us know so much that we do not need anyone else, or cannot learn from even the least among us.
Lauren
Most of the time, the new members come in looking for advice, guidance, wisdom and knowledge. At a good site they find that, but often are left feeling like they are only taking, taking, taking and never giving anything in return. Some new members can feel less-than for not having something to give back. Not all feel this way, but some do and it can be hard for a person to feel they have nothing to contribute. If this is you, keep reading.
Each forum or community also has their old-Timers, mentors or those who hold the general knowledge. These folks are the ones who are often sought out the most for guidance or advice. They keep things going, by providing what it is everyone is seeking. But even though the Old-Timers have all the knowledge and seem to have already what everyone else is seeking it doesn't mean they aren't seeking something too. What can THEY be seeking? They have it all! No, they dont... keep reading
No matter why each of us came, we all have something we seek. For the newbies, we seek to know ourselves and to be able to cope with the lives we've been given. Life didn't come with a manual and certainly we didn't get a vampire/otherkin/were manual. So we seek it here from those who have lived through it before us and can lay out a type of "manual" for us to consult.
The old-timers already lived through it and learned by trial and error, and oftimes these trials and errors were very painful. They see the new people and relate to them and think "Gods I wish no one had to go through what I went through". They see people like themselves and want to help... want to make a difference. They may want to raise awareness and acceptance of our conditions and who we are. They may want to dispell misconceptions so society is less frightened by what they do not understand and thereby lessening the pain of persecution we all endure for future generations.
I have been both newbie and Old-timer in different types of communities and this is what I can tell you...
As a newbie, I want good information, I want understanding and freedom to make mistakes as I learn, and I want friendship and acceptance. It's very hard in life to deal with the skeptism from people who dont understand, and it's harder in a place where people are expected to understand. When this fails, newbies are left feeling even more isolated and alone. The pain in this senario is sometimes the worst... they are left feeling alone even in the place they thought they fit.
As an Old-Timer, I want to help. I want to make a difference. I want to know that putting my pain and mistakes and whatever else I have to contribute, out in front of the world to see, isn't going to be in vain. I do not want my ass kissed, and I do not want to be on a pedestal, but I want to know that I am making a difference... after all, that's my purpose and it is what I seek. Often on the site where I know something, I'm treated like someone unapproachable. We're left, feeling alone and "different" still because people think they're not good enough to talk to us. Not so, we're just like you, but just went through it first. In a few years you'll be just like us!
My point is that we ALL have something to offer. Whether you're the newest member, whether you are the most knowledgable member we have, we all have something to offer and someone came here seeking what you have to give.
Old-Timers, keep in mind your first days awakening or seeking. Keep in mind the confusion and the "silly" questions you had... the "far out" conclussions to which you jumped, and speak to our new members as you would speak to that young seeker you were then. Give them your best... because only then can they be the best and one day, they'll be the ones here teaching. It will be up to you what they teach.
New members, Keep in mind that it's likely that whatever you've been through SOMEone here has been through it before. They do not have to offer you advice, nor do they have to share one whit of their lives or experiences with you. There is nothing in the manual (they wrote it and it's not in there) that says they have to help anyone. So, you can asume correctly that they are doing this, sometimes at considerable costs to themselves, because they care for you. You're probably saying you have nothing to give back but you do. If one of these old folks says something or does something that makes your life better in anyway... let them know. That is what they need to hear. They need to know what they're doing is working, is helping, and is accomplishing their goal. It sustains them and helps motivate them to continue on. I dont mean to kiss their asses or suck up to them, or give them a bunch of lip-service. A simple, sincere Thank You, is often enough. Whatever it is though, let it be sincere.
This is how forums grow, sustain each other, and keep the Circle of Forum Life alive.
None of us have nothing to offer, and none of us know so much that we do not need anyone else, or cannot learn from even the least among us.
Lauren