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View Full Version : oh LOOK a published method on... *kinda humor*


Craze
08-03-2005, 08:56 PM
Now ANYONE can become a vamp LOL
Yes I know, this is crap, but I'm a firm beliver in posting the crappy stuff so you can get a better idea of what the good stuff is, and get better at recognizing it. ~Craze
http://www.vampgirl.com/mythmethod.html

Method 1: Have a predisposition to Vampirism.

Vampirism may occur if you have been subject to one or more of the following:

You were conceived on a 'holy' day.

During pregnancy your mother was stared at by a vampire or simply did not consume enough salt in her diet.

You recieved a curse either in the womb or at birth.

You were either weaned too early or were breastfed AFTER being weaned onto solid food.

You were born at specific times of the year eg. new moon or a holy day. (I was born on a Sunday - aaaaah!)

You were born with more hair than usual (I had a lot of black hair on my head), a red, distinctive birthmark (tiny red star on my left upper thigh hehe), or with two hearts.

You were born with a third nipple (ugh!), teeth or a red caul.

You are the seventh son of a seventh son.

You die at birth without having been baptised.

Method 2: Commit sinful/bad actions during your lifetime.

If you have done any of the following, folklore has it that you will transform into a vampire after death:


Be a Werewolf.

Eat sheep that has been killed by a wolf.

Commit suicide. (NOT recommended)

Steal the ropes used to lower peoples coffins into the grave. (Real 'Huck Finn' stuff hehe)

Take part in acts of witchcraft or sorcery.

Be a priest and take Mass whilst being in a 'state of mortal sin'.

Be a prostitute, murderer, thief etc and/or generally lead a thoroughly immoral lifestyle.


Method 3: Return as a vampire through no fault of your own.

If any of these happen to you at point of death or after burial you'll certainly be back to wreak revenge:



Suffer death-by-drowning. (NOT by chocolate)

Die a violent death or be murdered.

If murdered, have noone take revenge for your untimely death.

Have another vampire kill you.

Get your brother to sleepwalk.

Have someone cast a shadow over your corpse.

Arrange for a family cat or bird to jump/fly over your corpse.

Have someone wave a candle over your corpse.

Have wind from the Russian Steppes blow over your dead body (This could be tricky, unless you are already Russian).

Be buried face up in your grave. (Romanian myth)

Disclaimer : VampGirl.com does NOT recommend any of these actions and must remind the reader that these are all documented MYTH and that noone has lived to prove that they work. If you really MUST be a vampire surely buying some fangs, visiting some goth nightclubs and/or establishing a Late-Night Internet Addiction should bring on the 'pasty vamp look' in no time at all;)

Eclecta
08-03-2005, 10:56 PM
OMG... some of that is funny.. But some make ya wonder LOL

shadowpsi
08-04-2005, 12:03 AM
You die at birth without having been baptised.


um doesn't this make the whole reading thing kinda hard if your dead

Midnight Temptress
08-04-2005, 04:50 AM
LOL thats just to die... my tummy hurts from giggling

Apokryphos
08-04-2005, 10:27 PM
So the key is not to die? :p This is some crappy stuff, I suppose...well you said it was, and I have no reason not to believe you. ;)

~Casey

Reiko
08-04-2005, 11:13 PM
all i have to say is huh?

Darkened_Insanity
08-08-2005, 01:38 PM
Wow, people get stupider and stupider every day don't they?

Lillitt Nephthys
08-08-2005, 01:49 PM
Wow I gots my a distintive birthmark that my mom makes fun of everday. It in the shape of a crawfish.Does that count as distinctive?

shadowpsi
08-08-2005, 09:22 PM
nah that just meaning you should live in new orleans lol

akasha_aurora
08-09-2005, 12:08 AM
My birthmark's brown not red... and the only shape I could lable it might be Florida.

Darkened_Insanity
08-09-2005, 12:12 AM
My birth mark looks somewhat like a heart and it is more purpleish....*Shakes her head* People are so uneduacated.....it's sad.

Eclecta
08-09-2005, 02:42 AM
"During pregnancy your mother was stared at by a vampire or simply did not consume enough salt in her diet."

*grabs a bag of salty cheetos*

Don't any of yall stare at me LOL>

DesiredOne
08-18-2005, 09:12 PM
Um, I DID die the day I was born.....my heart stopped and I was dead. My life was saved by the nurse on duty. So THAT'S why I am the way I am! Damn! LOL. I really did die, though. Before baptism. Wasn't baptised until age 13. Against my will mind you.

RedRaven219
08-23-2005, 01:50 PM
I've said it many times before, so once more seems valid: PEOPLE ARE FUCKING WEIRD!!

And just to keep things going, I have never been baptised. My father wouldn't allow it.

Camazotz
08-24-2005, 10:20 AM
Heh.. most of the last lot have happened to me in past lives.. muahahaha! :P

Method 3: Return as a vampire through no fault of your own.

If any of these happen to you at point of death or after burial you'll certainly be back to wreak revenge:



Suffer death-by-drowning. (NOT by chocolate)

Die a violent death or be murdered.

If murdered, have noone take revenge for your untimely death.

Have another vampire kill you.

Get your brother to sleepwalk.

Have someone cast a shadow over your corpse.

Arrange for a family cat or bird to jump/fly over your corpse.

Have someone wave a candle over your corpse.

Have wind from the Russian Steppes blow over your dead body (This could be tricky, unless you are already Russian).

Be buried face up in your grave. (Romanian myth)