no longer allowed to feed

[bigeyes_and_underfed]

this prolly has to do a lot with why im back looking for support...
im still with the same bf
(3 years in march)
and he wont let me feed anymore...
??
im sang...
psi feeding i've never really been able to control
i can feel such energy when its abundant like storms or crowds,
i just have problems...harnessing it...for lack of a better term
and sexual energy feeding...as far as i know i just like sex...i guess i've never tried to get more than that out of it... plus i always got to feed prior/during...so again...i just never really had the need to practice other ways...


he used to just offer
some times more than once a day!
i was spoiled...i got to feed more than i needed

and now...i even ask
and he wont let me
i dont know what happened...
what changed...
he says he doesnt like the scars..
(he liked to cut with steril razors, on his chest)
and he did scar up rather oddly
but i told him that would likely happen repeatedly cutting in the same place...

*sigh*

so then i thought of perhaps searching out a donor...
im weary of that though...

perhaps this should have been placed in the bitch and moan area...:(

i feel like im at a loss
i wont feed from an unwilling person...
and i know me getting a donor would cause problems between the 2 of us.

[MLE]

*hugs* sorry to hear abotu this hunni. I went through the same thing in my last relationship except it was off and on. Maybe you could try getting better with psi. I'm not the best coach, but there are a few here that are really good at helping others with stuff like this. I hope something works out for you soon. Good luck

[bigeyes_and_underfed]

thank you *hugs*

i have such a deep craving to feed through blood...that sometimes i just dont know if i would be capable to really truly being satiated through other ways...
although...i cant crave something i've never truly tried i suppose...

[RevDevon]

for myself in a situation like that ...I would have to ask why the change ...if he fed you before and accepted you for it .. It's like wanting someone to change something that was once accepted .... myself wouldn't be able to remain in the relationship

[gypsy mouse]

im with rev on this... there must be a underlying cause for his sudden removal from the situation...something happened and i doubt its the scars alone. maybe, the conversation should be deeper then your side of the vamp issue. see whats really bugging him and see if you two cant work it out together... theres allways cousouling.....*smiles* things will be alright...just suround the problem from all sides and attack.

[Malcaius]

follow the advice of the wise guys above me

and if all else fails ill save up some money and come give eric a nig ol bitch slap, cause he's being a dork, i dont care if hes cute you dont mess lil BK's head.

[Trauma]

I know whats going on and how you feel. I just recently broke up with my girlfriend for the same reason(except I'm a psy). She said she was tired of me feeding off her and other people. I recommend you tell your boyfriend to puncture the tips of his fingers. It leaves less of a mark and still gives lots of blood(I know because when I was younger I was a donor).

[Amathiess]

I'm with rev on this one too

[ChadSang]

We've all been through that painful situation. And there's never an easy answer.

My pain is eternal

[bigeyes_and_underfed]

again thank you for all the advice...
i dont know if i could just leave him...
its so strange, he used to be on the boards as friend of mine before we were dating. he fully accepts the situation and understands it.

ill bring it up again when i time is right.

in nov. we are leaving our apartment to go back to our parents so he can finish out college on a full time schedule.
so maybe then something will change, and if we dont split..perhaps ill find a donor??
i'd hate to keep a secret though...

grrrr,
mal i might have to call u for a emergency b!tch slappin :P

[ChadSang]

I think I know of whom you speak. Thought he was a kewl dude for awhile but then my brain waves took over and told me he was not of the clan. I never said anything cuz that was you guys' biz.

[bigeyes_and_underfed]

3 years though!?
seriously...how incredibly hard on me!
im used to getting it whenever >_<

we get along so well still
we work both jobs together, and live together...
and we've never had a fight...
had a few stern talks and a few tears as of late because of him acting a bit strangely..
not my tears...he cries because he knows he is wrong and feels bad about making me feel the way he does some times. i just get mad. he begs for forgiveness
he is strange...he doesnt notice when he is being sexually unattentive...i mean i could prolly walk around naked and it would take him a few passes to notice... but he has always been that way. and i asked him if he was gay, at all...and he says he can judge appearence, but sexually he would need a woman.

he is an odd one...
frustratingly odd at times...
maybe thats why i like him...
he is the only person that could turn me down...
which is the same reason i hate him
*sexually frustrated*
hah...this doesnt sound like a healthy relationship does it?

[MLE]

*hugs tight* sorry to hear things are so messed up hun. Good luck with this. I wish I knew what to tell you.

[Malcaius]

you just have to pounce him and force him to be attentive

as for the feeding tell him straight he's spoilt you so he has to keep with the flow or allow you a donor

[bigeyes_and_underfed]

it is an odd situation...unexpected...

mal i think i will give that a shot..
just straight up...let me or i am gonna seek out a donor...
and odds are he wont ever meet my donor if i have to get one.

as for pouncing on him...
i like doing that...some times
but we all want to be seduced or pounced on in return at one point or another...

i told him he would prolly be more attracted to me if i could run some cable internet through me or if i had a controller attached or some how worked onto my body... lol

i love gamers...but god damn

[RKCoon]

Seems to me that for him, the passion's died down, and hes taking you for granted -- and in doing so is hurting you in ways he doesnt quite comprehend. me, i ve found it usually takes more than strong words for this -- usually, the only recourse is leaving, if only temporarily. he needs to be reminded why your with him and why hes with you. as well, you need to spell out very clearly for him what you need -- and that, if he wont provide, you may have to go elsewhere to survive. its a real shitty way of lookin at it but often the ONLY way to look at it. *hugs* hope things get better one way or another.

[~Rose~]

have to agree with RK here.. you need to show him that he is taking advantage, and unfortantly more tears are gonna be shed before this is over. im sorri to hear this is happening and i hope it all works out for you.. no matter what happens.. and feel free to use my pm if u need to talk

[ChadSang]

I feel your pain for real. I've been there, done that and have a t-shirt

[MLE]

Been there with an ex.. Infact it was one of the main reasons he became my ex..

[darkangel]

I'm am sorry to hear you are going through this. This happened to me before with one of my ex bf's when I was living in Virginia. I wasn't sure what to do because it isn't like you can stop all together. it is who we are. I'm not sure what to say but I hope things work out for you.

[bigeyes_and_underfed]

:( ooh...
i dont wanna break up..
he's always been hesitant to be the aggresive one,
thats not new...
i just want a little bit of being seduced rather than the seducer...
and the whole taking me for granted thing...i've said that to him
which is when he apologizes a lot and gets all teary eyed and choked up,
he HAS gotten better with it...
i just wish i didnt have to...well make him cry to make him understand.

as for feeding...when the time is right...
which will be soon! i will say it flat out....if u dont...then ill find some one who will.

[MLE]

good luck hunni. *hugs*

[RevDevon]

an idea.... as you can see we are all concerned and there has been alot of information and advise in this thread ....sometimes we can't just say the right thing when the other is right there in front of you ....try getting a romantic type card showing your love but also write him a letter expressing all your views and showing him how much you don't want to leave him but these are issues that make you unhappy (highlight this fact) ...if he cares that much he will or at least should try to rectify the situation , especially if he thinks you may need to go otu and get a donor the jealousy factor should come into play..

[bigeyes_and_underfed]

^ that may be a very good idea....

i know the precise time that i want to bring this up again...
so as soon as the happens...i will say it, or write it and have him read it...
ill update this thread then.

thank u again and again

[ChadSang]

Even though I am a family/relationship therapist... I couldn't have given any better suggestion myself. Yes it's true I'm a mental health therapist but you can be certified otr licensed in sub categories ya know. Now, being a licensed forensic psychologist can be creepy as hell though sometimes. NO. I AM NOT A F**KING COP!

[bigeyes_and_underfed]

...i got to feed
a trivial amount
but FINALLY i got to feed
to feel that filling sensation again is good...

[ChadSang]

Glad to hear that you got to feed. Don't you just love that sensation and taste? How's the bf situation lately? Haven't heard you say in awhile.

[bigeyes_and_underfed]

i've decided to just let things go the way they want to go...
if we become even more distant...then when we move out of our apartment that distance will prolly end it.
or some thing will fall into place and things will improve
...it's hard at this point...
but im not going to fabricate a relationship if it disappears

[Amathiess]

oh I would love to be a fly on the wall to wach that bitch slap!

[[nanu]]

ajajaj.. some thread.. hehe.. nice to hear that you got to feed again hunni. and good luck from here on out.. I hope things will work out and that he won't take you for granted *hugs*

[Vicereine]

glad that you got to feed again... just a short random tangent. My husband used to let me feed then stopped he gave me two reasons.. one was that I 'freaked him out' the last time and the other was that he didnt like the scarring. Although he had no problem with scars from accidents etc.... just a random thought as it rang a bell.

[ChadSang]

If you're a Sang, I think feeding is a much more difficult thing than being a Sang. Now don't get me wrong, I'm just wishing all of you to get what you need, whatever that might be. You prolly have the unique opportunity to feed psi if no other way.

:sc:

[Alyushia]

I think sometimes those who are our "donors" use it against us as a means of exerting control over us (just as some withhold sex as a means of control).
If somebody really hasn't had a problem with it and suddenly decides they do..I would have to wonder if this is the case. I don't know that this was the case here, but I would have to give it some thought.
After all, what better way to control us than by denying us the thing we need the most for our physical and mental health?

[gypsy mouse]

"bad cop......no doughnut"

[Vicereine]

I think sometimes those who are our "donors" use it against us as a means of exerting control over us (just as some withhold sex as a means of control).
If somebody really hasn't had a problem with it and suddenly decides they do..I would have to wonder if this is the case. I don't know that this was the case here, but I would have to give it some thought.
After all, what better way to control us than by denying us the thing we need the most for our physical and mental health?

I have to agree with you here in principle. For my part I think becuase i held back so long before asking my husband to donate he may have mistaken it as a 'fad' something to indulge me in until it passed, which was fine (he's not about to turn down my more horndog nature that seems to arrive with the sight of blood) but as i said earlier i freaked him out once.

I think the 'freaking' made him realise im not playing and its not a fad.... hes ok generally now, actively avoids me , when i get a certain 'look' about me, and is generous in relationships i forge that in some way assist my coping with the energy depletions.

But I would agree that in a general sense it would seem someone who was happy before withdrawing means they either want control, or arent happy in the relationship anymore.