What am I ?

[Vicereine]

wasnt entirely sure where to post this so i have put it here. If there is anyone who can help me Im sure they shall be found here. I have posted this thread on another site and got little assistance.

this is what i posted there

"by this i mean. I read on this site and some others, people describing themselves as elemental, sanguine, psi, pranic etc etc... and there are only a few that say they are a hybrid.

Personally I would say Im a hybrid....if i had to. But i think Im generally vampiric. By this I mean, I am vampiric in almost every sense. All those listed above i can absorb energy from, ofcourse i have my favourite ways of 'feeding', but thats another topic.

What I wanted to ask was this. How do those of you who use one descriptive term to define yourself, isolate your vampiric nature to one aspect of your personality? Are you like the older vampire movies who are normal (ish) until they have site of blood/storm/kinetic energy? Does this make you like an addict, needing a fix?

I would find in nearly impossible to isolate the traits that I call my vampiric nature to one facet of myself. Its all encompassing to me. Im a sensualist, i crave sensation. Im synethetic, i can taste smells etc. And i can give energy as easily as i receive it.... am I an oddity or are there more complex hybrids like me?

I would appreciate any responses."

here i would like to expand upon this and say that I am being driven to distraction by this issue.

I am constantly 'hyped' up. I have to listen to classical music and burn incense light candles etc, just to relax in the evening.

I cannot sleep properly anymore. I crave, everything. As stated inanother post, i devour words and art. Music i get energy from. Im like a kid with too many e numbers in their system.

As cliche as it sounds... when i get like this all my senses are heightened and i become hyper sensitive. My ears actually hurt!

I really need some guidance and would appreciate any help you may be able to give,......

[incubus]

Being one that feeds in many ways, I came up with the term pranist, this means nothing more then one who feeds from prana (which is in all forms of feed any how)

I would not worry so much upon a label, you know yourself and how you feed, if you 'must' label yourself with a predefined meaning, hybrid , pranist would be a route to look into.

[Vicereine]

thankyou incubus...its not so much the need for a label.. its just defined perimeters i need. As stupid as that sounds. I cannot seperate what I am from who I am.. its part and parcel of the same thing. Most i speak to are able to seperate it.. particularly the vampiric part of them, into a part of their persona that allows them some decision over accessing it. I cant do that.

Also i can give energy as well as receive it.. some i have spoken to have hinted that a 'true' vampire cannot do this as the nature of feeding is to replace that which they lose or require, not to give it away.


sigh....

Its all very confusing especially given my witch part of my nature as well. Its even been suggested that there is some 'were' or lycan in me as everything goes utterly haywire at full moon... but is this 'were' or merely witch...

Labels only help becuase it gives me astarting point to work from to develope or harness different abilities without them im working blind soto speak...

[incubus]

Some only do feed from one aspect hence making is so much easier to label or term. But many just feed in so many ways to term them all would take a while.

I feed more ways then I discuss , I talk of the common, and the most often.

As for abilitys, what do primarily feed from. Not prefer, but mostly feed from. That is the best starting place so that your working your best abiltiy.

[Vicereine]

i work mostly with energy transferance, almost constantly. I get it from a variety of sources. Im slightly empathic as well, hence i will give energy as well as receive it. Sanguinism to me is a luxury. One i enjoy but rarely have and its like the difference to me between eating to survive and an expensive meal.

My energies and hungers increase around the full moon and my personal 'cycle' has fallen in with this (not uncommon in witches I understand). My majikcal abilities increase at this time, and naturally enough i suppose with using more energy i require more sustinance.. i become in need at this time.

Its usually around the full moon that i seek sanguinism if its attainable. Its also at this time that i learn and retain more information if i am studying a particular subject

[Camazotz]

For myself, I've worked long and hard to not keep all the different parts of myself seperate but to sythesise it into a whole. I put hybrid, but for me that term means that I have a were side as well as vampire as well as occult practitioner, healer, friend, lover, whatever.

We all are many things. In our lives we walk many paths, some are public knowledge, some known to a few, some secret to ourselves. But, to be comfortable in our own skins (for myself at least ) the answer is to not address each of these things seperately, for there are never enough hours in the day to let each have it's time in the sunlight. Now, sometimes one thing may be more to the front than others, for example if you are a mother then that can take up so many of your waking hours... but being a mum doesn't mean that you're not feeding from the world around you at the same time, or experiencing things from a wereside, or doing things for yourself as an individual as well.

I'm not sure if that makes much sense... for me I've spent many years trying to avoid labels as much as I can.. whilst we all define ourselves with them (and they can be a quick way to describe ourselves to others) labels can also be the boxes or cages which prevent us from breaking free.

Cama

[Vicereine]

very well put cama thankyou... and I agree with what you are saying in principle. its just that i would like to recognise and get to know each part of me.. i feel like there isjust to much and i end up knowing nothing.

it will taketime I suppose.. thank you for your help

[Camazotz]

*hugs* If there's anything that I can do please feel free to get in touch. I do understand how you're feeling, sometimes I think it'd be easier to feel that labels did apply, because then I could at least examine some parts of myself coldly (by that I mean without emotion) and mark them as understood. But, even when there are parts that I understand well, they grow and change so much, that over time they can take on entire new faces and facets.

To be honest with you, whilst I use the term "vampire" it's not really what I exactly feel that I am. I've posted about this on the boards before... I have the traits, talents and need to feed of a vamp, but there's more. There are some on these boards who I feel are like me, there are many more though whom I know are vampire but I don't feel the same as. That's not to say that one thing or another is better, just that they are different. Words, science, self-expression... all these things have failed to give us a way to fully examine ourselves as kin and say who is what, so at times we join communities because we are kindred, rather than exactly a part of that. Nox is a place where I learn, where I can share, a place I love, but in my own ways and life I still have to seek further for personal truths.

One other thing I wanted to say... things at the moment are different. Myself my emotions and senses have been flooded of late, I'm hearing, feeling and seeing so many things at the moment that it is a bit hard to take it all in. You mentioned your ears... well I can empathise with that one. If it weren't for the fact that I know I'm not alone on it at the moment, I'd have thought I was going mad.

Keep in touch and drop me a line if you ever want/need

Cama

[RevDevon]

all of which has been stated here as well ... but to address the part of giving out the energy as well ..... that is the case for all whether they even realize it or not ..... the overall seduction of the feed (lack of better term) one needs to expel before they can take in whether done consciously or subconsciously ..... and as far as a label my belief that all are many with no set label as rob as stated with the term prana ...myself is as well when thinking bout it just never went back and changed

[Vicereine]

thank you Rev. I was beginnign to worry i was more messed up than most there for a while ;) i guess i will just have to find some kind of stratagy to bring the parts into balance for a time..andavoid confilict near a full moon

its very odd... thankyou to everyone... anyother opinions ofcourse still gratefully received

[gypsy mouse]

hello. as im not of vampiric nature i can not tell you anything about your urges. but im kindred, and a practicinor of magic, so i'll speak on what i do know. if your having stronger urges, you seem to get more energy, or as you put it things going haywire during a full moon dont sweat it. thats not just its effect on you, thats its effect on everyone. its very common for a womans cycle to be that of the moons cycle. are bodys are made up of so much water its hard for the moon not to have a pull on us. energys go flying from all directions on a full moon. i know my cubs get crazy. i have some of my biggest fuck ups in magic on those nights. (suppose to be a good night for working.....not for me.) i kinda feel i need to board my self up indoors with how insane everyone gets here. im certain theres someone on the board that could help you focus your energy better on those nights. aint me. but im sympathedic to your plight.
by the way. as for dealing with all aspects of your persona, accept yourself as the one person you are. all those parts of you make up the most awsome you. dont question their workings. embrace all that is you and use it to the best of your ability. i dont do labels to well. *glances up.* listed as mundane for a reason. and gods know i hate that term. but my were side, as it is allways upon me, is just me.
its good to have you with us. i hope others can be of more help then i was.

[Vicereine]

thanks gypsymouse.

Im kind of new to the were side. I'd always associated the drives to the witch part of my nature. But then I am slightly empathic as well.. thought it all part of that. And i know what you mean about it gettin really mad around you at full moon.

People seem to gravitate to me at that time, but my aura andthe energy i put out is so strong that i want people to stay back.. I can get quite aggressive about my personal space then. Im normally a tactile person but when its a full moon i dont want people near me.. sitting next to me or anything.

Its interesting that so many of us are having heightened senses at the moment, does anyone know whats happening planetary wise?? maybe theres something about to happen.

Its getting increasingly harder to focus my energies i constantly feel like im supposed to be hearing something that i cant quite make out.

The witch side of myself i have managed to accept and embrace, it has its advantages when you know someone is lying. Interestingly enough i saw a pshycic the other day who told me in need to trust my instincts and intuition more.. he said its very rarely wrong in me but I try to hard to rationalise it...that actually made me laugh as i have always been seen as the free spirit and not rational at all.

I guess i just feel like i need to find the key to it. To unlocking what my potential is... I can feel it behind all the noise of everything, but i cant quite reach it.. hence the frustration.

Any tips on focusing or accessing latent memory, even past life work.. please tell me.. PM me if you like.

thankyou

[nexus6]

Well I am pretty new to all this mself, though I have learnt as much as I cold along the short way hat I have come, and I agree with you, Vamp is all ecompassing , it is not something that we can isolate and define, it is more the sum of many small characteristics, I feel thats vampiric nature has a hunger all of its own to know and feel things more deeply, we experience things so differently from the mainstream folk. I dont know if it is because our secnes are more finely atuned or that we care more for the experiences we have gone through for being different, but you said..'' i devour words and art'' and this is what I am saying... we do devour things be it verse ot text or music. We try to extract every last wonderfully deliscious drop out af any experience... Well that is just my take on it hunny and I am faorly new to all this but this is what i feel and I have felt for some time now...

[darklin]

I went through a stage of wanting to find out everything and anything i could that would help me accept what was happning to me but in the end i knew that if i was ment to know it it would show itself to me and for the most its done just that and now im more than comfortable with who iam,i have embraced the changes that have occured within myself and for the most i have accepted them.
If i was asked to word my own question about what iam i would have no idea what to write because when it comes down to it for myself i can put any of what i feel into words.I dont seek answers i just seek knowlage about the things that are new to me so i have a better understadning of them.I wouldnt say im a very deep person and i can come across as being very friverless at times even ignorant to the things around me but i refuse to sit and waste the fine time that i have left on this earth worrying about it.Everything happened for a reason and theres never been a truer saying;)
This dosent mean that i dont ask questions and i do seek answers to things but for the most of it i think its all donw to u being able to accept everything urself first.If im ever faced with something that im not sure of i ask myself b4 anyone else what it is i must do and most of the time i find the answers alone but thats just me and what i feel comfy with.
God i can ramble at times lol
Love and respect
Darklin
xxx