Preist
11-24-2005, 08:13 PM
Self-doubt In What You Are!
Ok self doubt in who you are… Its a common thing that I come across in the vampire community and its one thing that we all near enough go through at different times.
It can be a lot to take in at first. Think about it- there’re some weird feelings around you, you’ve been ostracised for as long as you can remember and/or there’s the feeing of never fitting in. Upon your research you find that you’re a vampire or you’re told that all the things you’ve been going through are caused by you being a vampire. Then you wonder, “hey why not doubt it” because all of your life you have watched horror movies and the media has portrayed the vampire as a living-dead entity that can live forever if they don’t met certain criteria i.e. a stake through the heart?
Through our research we all find out that that’s not the case and indeed that vlad the impalor might not have actually been the big vampire honcho that he’s been portrayed to be, so hey no problem there.
So where does that leave you? It leaves you in a world of loneliness initially, even when you find others there’s always that feeling of “should I be here? Am I really what I think I am or what others say I am?”
Well those are questions to be considered because, at the end of the day, no-one can really answer those questions but yourself. It has to be through what you know and what you find in your life and, if you’re lucky enough, to find others that are helpful and that can point you in a good direction with truth… not with the concepts of role-playing and dead end’s of information.
When you started reading this article if you thought for one moment it was an answer then I am genuinely apologetic as I cant tell anyone for certain what life path to follow. I may be able to help you on a path in life, but I can’t determine what or who you are. That is something that’s best left to yourself and your own research.
Ok, so you know what you are, but time and time again the self-doubt creeps… in whispering in your ear that you’re not what you are. Well again it happens to us all, there will always be low points with the high ones.
The best advice I can ever give here is to strive higher. Don’t listen to others or your inner voice of doubt, allow this to spur you on to find the real self within you, the parts of you that make you tick, the points of you that make you unique, or again what makes you vampire. I know myself what I am and what I do and also what I am capable of. When I get self-doubt I take a look back and I think of all the ones I have helped awaken, all the ones I noticed going through the same problems I did. Then I make a note to self considering that, if I am a lie, then all their lives and all the things and greatness they have achieved after that have been a lie, all in the name of something that can’t be diagnosed by medical communities.
That’s what spurs me on and takes away my self-doubt!
Vampirism can take many forms in itself. Not many of us show all the same traits, some of us don’t show any traits and again many of us despise the term vampire in it’s own light.
What I will say here is, again, its up to what you want to find, what you want to research and how deep you want to go down the proverbial rabbit hole of the vampire. It takes a strong person to look at their own life in a true light. Many look at their own lives and treat any small coincidence as a major thing in what they portray themselves to be. In some cases though, the smaller things are bigger, but its looking at it in a true light without relating it solely to being a vampire that reveals truth. If the feeling, thought or event is so strong in your thoughts relating to what you are, then place that as being so, but it has to be in a true light - there’s nothing worse than lying to yourself, it gets you nowhere fast.
Ok… so you have figured out who you are and you know for definite who you are. FANTASTIC! Keep a hold of what you know and give yourself a reminder for those low points of “This is who I am and this is why I know I am”. Don’t ever allow anyone to take that away from you, it is yours and only you can change that – only you!
For myself… well, for me, I came to terms with who I was years ago- not that I was a vampire, no not that, I came to terms with feeding. That has always been my crux. I have always known I was different, all the way through my life, and yes, I don’t often use the term vampire relating to myself. In my own research I found other words and other things that related more to myself.
But the one thing that even with self-doubt that always made me come back up again, no matter how much I tried to stay away from it, was feeding - the very thing that gave me the most self-doubt.
I have gone for months without feeding, gotten to my lowest point and then entered a room (such as a busy night club) and taken in all the energy I could. This was generally done subconsciously by my own body, later consciously by myself and then I found myself buzzing for days, because my soul (so to speak) found what it needed to bring me back again to my so-called normality. This is one self-doubt that actually made me believe in what I was. I know myself that my hunger grows each and every time, so for me it gets rid of the self-doubt.
One other thing I did was to get all the things I knew truthfully within myself about what I was and then (I don’t recommend this for everyone), once I got all these things together, I took a step forward -I got a tattoo of a vampire on my chest. I knew from that point I was who I was and nothing could change that. Its a constant reminder to me, when I look down I see my vampire self and it reminds me of all the things I am and all the things that add up to what I am.
You might see things differently, well most defiantly you might find this, but I can’t say it enough- it takes time and it takes your own judgment! Its nothing to do with your peers, its nothing to do with your environment, it may even have nothing to do with your parents either, but its all up to you to find out and do your homework on learning what and who you are.
Once you find out as I have said then find a grounding point, a time, place or something that you can look at to tell you (even remind you) of who you are. Then don’t allow anyone to take that away from you, even if it means you having to walk away. Remember, outside the community not many people will find truth in your words of who you are. They will have their doubts, no matter how well read and how much research you have done they may tell you that you are wrong, placing the self-doubt bug in you. This is why I say walk away and stay true to yourself.
Preist
Ok self doubt in who you are… Its a common thing that I come across in the vampire community and its one thing that we all near enough go through at different times.
It can be a lot to take in at first. Think about it- there’re some weird feelings around you, you’ve been ostracised for as long as you can remember and/or there’s the feeing of never fitting in. Upon your research you find that you’re a vampire or you’re told that all the things you’ve been going through are caused by you being a vampire. Then you wonder, “hey why not doubt it” because all of your life you have watched horror movies and the media has portrayed the vampire as a living-dead entity that can live forever if they don’t met certain criteria i.e. a stake through the heart?
Through our research we all find out that that’s not the case and indeed that vlad the impalor might not have actually been the big vampire honcho that he’s been portrayed to be, so hey no problem there.
So where does that leave you? It leaves you in a world of loneliness initially, even when you find others there’s always that feeling of “should I be here? Am I really what I think I am or what others say I am?”
Well those are questions to be considered because, at the end of the day, no-one can really answer those questions but yourself. It has to be through what you know and what you find in your life and, if you’re lucky enough, to find others that are helpful and that can point you in a good direction with truth… not with the concepts of role-playing and dead end’s of information.
When you started reading this article if you thought for one moment it was an answer then I am genuinely apologetic as I cant tell anyone for certain what life path to follow. I may be able to help you on a path in life, but I can’t determine what or who you are. That is something that’s best left to yourself and your own research.
Ok, so you know what you are, but time and time again the self-doubt creeps… in whispering in your ear that you’re not what you are. Well again it happens to us all, there will always be low points with the high ones.
The best advice I can ever give here is to strive higher. Don’t listen to others or your inner voice of doubt, allow this to spur you on to find the real self within you, the parts of you that make you tick, the points of you that make you unique, or again what makes you vampire. I know myself what I am and what I do and also what I am capable of. When I get self-doubt I take a look back and I think of all the ones I have helped awaken, all the ones I noticed going through the same problems I did. Then I make a note to self considering that, if I am a lie, then all their lives and all the things and greatness they have achieved after that have been a lie, all in the name of something that can’t be diagnosed by medical communities.
That’s what spurs me on and takes away my self-doubt!
Vampirism can take many forms in itself. Not many of us show all the same traits, some of us don’t show any traits and again many of us despise the term vampire in it’s own light.
What I will say here is, again, its up to what you want to find, what you want to research and how deep you want to go down the proverbial rabbit hole of the vampire. It takes a strong person to look at their own life in a true light. Many look at their own lives and treat any small coincidence as a major thing in what they portray themselves to be. In some cases though, the smaller things are bigger, but its looking at it in a true light without relating it solely to being a vampire that reveals truth. If the feeling, thought or event is so strong in your thoughts relating to what you are, then place that as being so, but it has to be in a true light - there’s nothing worse than lying to yourself, it gets you nowhere fast.
Ok… so you have figured out who you are and you know for definite who you are. FANTASTIC! Keep a hold of what you know and give yourself a reminder for those low points of “This is who I am and this is why I know I am”. Don’t ever allow anyone to take that away from you, it is yours and only you can change that – only you!
For myself… well, for me, I came to terms with who I was years ago- not that I was a vampire, no not that, I came to terms with feeding. That has always been my crux. I have always known I was different, all the way through my life, and yes, I don’t often use the term vampire relating to myself. In my own research I found other words and other things that related more to myself.
But the one thing that even with self-doubt that always made me come back up again, no matter how much I tried to stay away from it, was feeding - the very thing that gave me the most self-doubt.
I have gone for months without feeding, gotten to my lowest point and then entered a room (such as a busy night club) and taken in all the energy I could. This was generally done subconsciously by my own body, later consciously by myself and then I found myself buzzing for days, because my soul (so to speak) found what it needed to bring me back again to my so-called normality. This is one self-doubt that actually made me believe in what I was. I know myself that my hunger grows each and every time, so for me it gets rid of the self-doubt.
One other thing I did was to get all the things I knew truthfully within myself about what I was and then (I don’t recommend this for everyone), once I got all these things together, I took a step forward -I got a tattoo of a vampire on my chest. I knew from that point I was who I was and nothing could change that. Its a constant reminder to me, when I look down I see my vampire self and it reminds me of all the things I am and all the things that add up to what I am.
You might see things differently, well most defiantly you might find this, but I can’t say it enough- it takes time and it takes your own judgment! Its nothing to do with your peers, its nothing to do with your environment, it may even have nothing to do with your parents either, but its all up to you to find out and do your homework on learning what and who you are.
Once you find out as I have said then find a grounding point, a time, place or something that you can look at to tell you (even remind you) of who you are. Then don’t allow anyone to take that away from you, even if it means you having to walk away. Remember, outside the community not many people will find truth in your words of who you are. They will have their doubts, no matter how well read and how much research you have done they may tell you that you are wrong, placing the self-doubt bug in you. This is why I say walk away and stay true to yourself.
Preist